In your Time

Back in the early 2000’s when Mommy Blogging was all the rage, and before everyone but me decided to get serious and monetize my blog, I was writing several times a week, and thoroughly enjoying the community I was building, the readership I had, and even the haters! Oh yes, I was so popular with strangers on the internet, I even had haters.

Fast forward 15 years and writing has never gone away. I’ve sat down many times and written this post. I’m pretty sure it’s been almost this exact post. I come to this resolute place where I finally feel motivated to act, but I usually get as far as the set up before it falls totally flat like the SpinDrift I open for Owen that he promises to drink. He takes two sips, and it sits on the counter for hours before I dump it out and swear I won’t give him another one.

That is me with writing. I open it up, take the first few sips, so good….and then…I set it down and let it go flat.

The craziness that unfolds during these episodes of inspiration and action should prove to me WHY I need to do it. Why can I constantly (literally weekly if not more) envision myself writing. And the few times I sit down to do it every couple of years is it mental attack after attack…insignificant, stop trying to be important, who is going to read this, why would anyone care what you have to say… and on and on.

The new question is - why am I worried about any of that? Maybe that is where God wants me to push through into obedience. Of the dozens of to do lists, action items and daily fires to put out, meals to make, emails to compose, nothing meets me in thought and vision as often as writing does.

In this last year, I’ve said it out loud to a few people… I need to write. As I walk closer with God, He’s at least given me the good sense to understand that at this point, if he continues to place something on my heart and I do nothing about it, I’m being disobedient. It takes me a while, but I eventually figure it out.

Quite honestly, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. I’ve been told most of my life I need to write by various family and friends. I’ve been told by my parents I filled notebooks as a child with my stories. I vaguely remember this, but I suppose that’s what happens when you’re into your 4th decade of this never ending rollercoaster of natural life.

So here we are. Me being obedient. Me also feeling stupid. And me deciding I’m going to do it anyway. Oh, I think that was the title of one of these posts I wrote just like this on one…Do It Anyway. Cringe.

The one vision I have most often is to always tie what I’m writing to a song. Either the song being the inspiration, or supporting the topic. I’m not sure why this keeps coming up either, but we’re going to let that one evolve in obedience, too.

I’m releasing whatever weirdness I have around writing, again. I think I’ve said that in one of these past posts, but this time of course, I truly mean it. At this point, you either think I’m an inspirational person who is determined, or I’m being sarcastic. Whatever gets you to the end is the correct answer. Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m being sarcastic or not.

Right now it simply isn’t clear what this space is for. It would be wonderful if God would download maybe just a quick vision of what happens after I start writing, then again, thats a ridiculous request from someone who can’t seem to even get past this first step. Not to mention, thats just not our relationship, unlike some people, God doesn’t get very explicit with me about next steps and plans. I think due to…well, me, He is making the right choice.

My most favorite and applicable Bible verse is attached to this new venture - Romans 8:28 - His Glory. Our good. I don’t know any other way to explain whats going to happen here, so I’ll let that guide me.

Father, let this space be glorifying to you. Let it bring to light whatever it is you want to do. What I can say for sure, is this life has given me more than enough to write about.